I’m not falling for it yet again. Hay Festival, yeh, yeh, I know what it is now – a herd of excitable ol’ two-legs wittering on about history (that’s SO yesterday), books (hmm, they may be tasty?), television (well I know all about that as I’ve been ‘on-the-box’), green issues (NOW you’re talking), cookery demos (you what?!?), and politics (Yaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn).

 

When WE go to a show, we stand under our gazebo and look at people, nibble some hay, get patted on the neck (if you’re soft ol’ Stenness) and generally have an INTERESTING time. When our dear Two-Legs go to a show they sit in a large gazebo-type thing (because they can’t stand, poor loves), listen to other people meander through some interminable explanation for why 2 bales of tasty hay plus 2 bales of tasty hay actually is ……………. 4 bales of tasty hay!

 

Or indulge in something they call a queue-an-eh (EH?) where the idea is to be a smarty pants and out-fox the two-leg on the stage.

 

Now talking of out-foxing – here’s a piece I’ve allowed Stud Pepsi to pen. I’ll have to think up a smart Alec retort to put him in his place if he’s going to steal my limelight.

 

Pepsi’s Diary 04-06-10

 

Just a short note from me, Cola-Boy (brown beneath, white on top and a fizzy character).

 

Not only am I a stupendous stud llama – you should take a look at my cria from last year – Stanton Drew and Hetty Pegler – but at the age of ten I’ve also become a rather special sort of llama. I’m now a Guard llama too.

 

Everyone knows about guard llamas – llamas who bond with the animals in their field and protect them from predators – but I’d assumed this was limited to llamas guarding sheep. But no! I guard geese. OK, my people don’t ‘farm’ geese but they were delighted when a couple of Canucks splashed down on my lake back in the Spring. The interlopers built a nest on the promontory and I cast an uncle’s eye over them as they set about raising a brood. Then, four weeks ago three Canadian goslings hatched and I make sure any potential trouble keeps well out of the way.

 

I once saw something small and ginger – looked like a runty Silbury, (Silbury interjects – `Oi!`) though with a bushy tail, but HE didn’t hang around for long!

 

In a couple of weeks the goslings will fledge and I’ll have done my new job. What a splendid and adaptable animal I am!

 

 

Silbury signs off

 

I really think I should host a Hay Festival 2011 session. It would be full of things two legs need to know about hay.

More from Golden Valley Llamas soon.